Heartbreak and being a Single Mummy x

I didn't know if I should write this post.

Its extremely personal, about something I will never get over. 

Something that effected me so badly and completely destroyed me and ruined my first few months of being a mummy. 

But I set up this blog to help other ladies! 

Share my experiences in hope that I can help at least one person out there.

And although I'd hate to think that anyone else has had to go through what I've been through or is going through it now (because I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone) I know its not uncommon.

But I want single mummy's out there to know you are stronger than you think and you can do it. And that is something I've come to realise now that I am a lot stronger and happier than I was.

So here it goes,

I wont be going into full detail of the story as I don't think its fair on my Blakey and his other family who didn't choose for this all to happen.

So to put things bluntly I was cheated on and left when I was 5/6 months pregnant. I was then lied to for months by my sons dad and his secret new girlfriend (yep she was able to lie blatantly to me aswell when I asked her for the truth and I told her how heartbroken I was) until finding out the truth in a very horrible way. A lot more happened but its really not worth going into.

So yeah, this was meant to be the most amazing time. I'd just had my perfect baby boy. But I was in a horrendous way because of everything going on with Blakes dad. I'd spent the last few months of being pregnant and the first few months of Blakes life fighting a losing battle, trying to win back my ex. And he would constantly tell me "He loved me" and tell me things I wanted to hear. But he had his secret girlfriend the whole time that I didnt know about.

I was distraught. I cried all the time and I was put back on anti depressants. I was embarrassed of being a single mum and I was ashamed that I had failed my son by not giving him his little family.I hated myself and didn't think I'd be a good enough mum for my Blake as I wasn't good enough for my ex.

But none of this was my choice. It was my exs. He walked out on me and Blake before Blake was even born and chosen a new life with this new girl .And the fact she was able to do this to another women (a heavily pregnant women) disgusts me.

But its true what they say.. "Time is the best healer"

I also owe everything to my family and friends and especially to my Blake for helping me get through this. Although I don't think I'll ever be fully over it. I am stronger, I am definitely happier and I know I am a million percent better off. 

I'm just sorry my family have also been hurt to because of someone else selfish actions. But I thank them from the bottom of my heart. Words cant describe how much I appreciate them being here for me and Blake.

I also want to thank the mummys on the app "Smile Mum" who have gone out of their ways to write to me and give me advice and made me smile.

Despite everything that's happened, Blake sees his dad three times a week which is hard for me. Handing him over and sharing him with someone I used to love, used to know..who is now just someone I have a baby with and someone who was able to hurt me soo badly and walk out on being a family with Blake and I. Someone I was supposed to be sharing this incredible journey with is horrible. But despite the lies going round Blake sees his dad.

I also now dont speak to my ex. Which has helped a lot as all we'd do is argue and be nasty and I couldn't cope with that. Everything could be so different and my ex could be more involved in Blakes life but I've given up pushing for that to happen. My ex has made his choice. And I wont let that effect my sons life.

Although I have been through a lot over the past few months I am now determined to make life amazing for me and my son. He deserves the best and he needs a mummy who's happy and not constantly down and depressed so I am working on doing things to make me happy and focusing on Blake. I am a Proud Single mum and I will always do everything for my son.

I didn't write this post for sympathy. I simply want to share my story to help.

Thank you so much for reading this post. If you are going through something similar and need to talk to someone please don't hesitate to get in contact with me at littlelondonmummy@hotmail.co.uk

Love Kimi 

x